"Simpler, yet more confused"

Alright so i'm reading On The Road right now by Jack Kerouac. It's all about a road trip he took across America in 1947. he does some cool shit got some cool jobs sees alot of cool things. The way he describes cities like LA, San Fran, Denver makes 1947 seems awesome. The more i read, the more i hate what North America is like nowadays.

Everything was so pure back then, it was like a young nieve child coming into his own, still learning the ropes. The world was, in the words of Jim Morrison "simpler yet more confused". Simple in the sense that everything was very easygoing. Whole families of 8 would live in shacks because they didn't take life too seriously, were down to earth, and learned how to deal. Nobody now wants to learn to deal, they all want to complain and baby their way through everything until someone bails them out. The Lazy Generation thats what we are. Our minds are not open to enjoying life while poor. No one nowadays can comprehend happiness without money. Does not compute. Everybody thinks that they need this and they need that because the big corporations are putting it in our minds that money equals happiness. Commercials and magazines might promote skinniness, the need of fancy clothes and cars but mostly it all sums up to needing as much money as possible. Not taking the time to enjoy the simple things in life, but rushing past them all, past the dreamers, past the people that are real, to get to the money. Jack talks about living in a barn and picking grapes as a luxury. I myself have been brainwashed by Corporate America to try to get money. At first i thought he was complaining, but then he said how free he could be, hanging out in the sun, feeling the Cali breeze while he worked picking grapes. I realize how amazing that would be. No shirt and tie, no billing reports, no Mr. Boss Man on your back all the time, no hefty paycheck. Everyoen now likes the first 3 but hates the last one. No heft paycheck? Who gives a flying fuck about money. That whole scene seems like the life but no one wants to be poor, everyone thinks they need money. Why? What are you going to buy? Fancy clothes that make you look like a douchebag, a fancy car that goes so fast you can't even see nature as you fly by, a nice pair of rubber boobs on a mop because the only girls that are interested in you are the ones who are actually only really digging your money. That doesn't sound fulfulling at all. Money will buy you the phrase "so what if i'm not happy, i'm rich", and that is so depressing how many people will strive to get that phrase branded into their mind. Back then, in 1947, their was no money to be made. Their were no fancy, suite level jobs to be had really, so everyone did what made them happy, or at least entertained. They went with the flow, Went from motel to motel, scraping up a few bucks, blowing it all on rent, booze, grass and minimal groceries because they had nothing in life to look forwars to. I wish i had that freedom. Everyone always talks about the future and i just want to live like they did in 1947, happy, drunk, carefree and most of all free. They enjoyed every second of every day beacause they didn't have anything to think about in the future. I wish i could have that kind of freedom. Living carefree, day-to-day as if each one if your last. Nowadays, its all about planning. Planning for college, planning for a career, planning for a relationship, planning for the rest of your fucking life. How depressing is that, that your whole life is laid out in front of you like a road map, all you have to do is drive to each destination. I want to live where i say fuck the map, im making my own and I live carefree. doing whatever the fuck I want, money, not even a thought of it in my head except if i will have enough for some booze or grass. I don't just wish for this life, I crave it. I need it. The thought of a nice sunday brunch in my countryside estate in a nice sweater vest and khakis makes me extremely uneasy. The thing is, is that I don't know if i'll be able to avoid all the advertising and road maps and being a training monkey in my shirt and tie, with Mr. Boss Man on my back and that steady paycheck. I've had this thought of money bringing happiness stuffed down my throat my whole life that i don't know if i can avoid it. Some people are scared of living as an adult with no money. I'm scared of having too much. I want to be a poet or open a book store, something that will let me be free to do whatever the hell I want, and doing it all becuase, fuck, what else am i gonna do? Wait until i'm old and poor and can't do anything? No, i just wanna live and forget about numbers, i want live a life of being simpler yet more confused; simpler because i haven't a care in the world, more confused in a agood way as in i have no fucking clue whats waiting for me around the corner, and I love that feeling. We are the lazy generation in a sense that we want everything, without actually doing anything. I'm so glad i'm the opposite. I want nothing, and i want to work for it, doing something I love. I love being simpler yet more confused. There is no more fulfilling feeling in the world.

Celebrity Blog - ..at least..

Too many times tonight were people telling me .. at least this.. at least that. Before I explain my situation, how much does that piss you off? I mean really, at least is just saying you got the LEAST best thing possible.. it means something failed and you have to settle for second best or nothing at all. That's exactly what I was faced with tonight. This is gonna be a nice sappy story so buckle up.

It didn't just start tonight, it's been an ongoing thing. My girlfriend bails on me here and there, is a bit close to some of her guys friends and you'd think nothing of it right, it happens. Wrong. She constantly kept it up and on top of it all made no effort in making me feel like she really cared. Yeah, i'm a dude, should I not care? Maybe. But I do, it's been so long and i'm really into this girl. So maybe it was time for me to step up again and say something.. I ask for just a talk and here we are. Apparently she realized she'd been a pretty awful girlfriend lately, no one can deny that. She also pointed out that I was the best boyfriend ever and that I deserve much better. Again, no one can deny that because no one deserves to be treated like such shit all the time. The unfortunate part is that even though she has the "best boyfriend ever" and he's willing to try, she isn't. She figures that she knows herself and doesn't believe we could ever succeed in our relationship. So that's it.

At least we can still be friends?
At least we're better off than not being friends at all?

That's bullshit. Second best or nothing at all? Either way it's not what I want, but I have no choice anymore. Time to move on.

Plus sides? Well yeah, I mean I was never gonna do any kind of drug while I was with her. She hated it and I avoided them for her, sad huh. But with her gone I might as well get some ganj goin right.. Deals are another thing. Growing the hair out and beard.. I'm sure i'll fit right into this blog perfectly now.

K. Willheim ~ Prost

weird night

i had a pretty sweet night planned out. Rents were supposed to hit up the Sens game, i was gonna smoke a little ganj and jam in my room to a woodstock album. Started to go downhill when for some reason the rents decided that they didn't wanna go to the sens game. Can't blame them for that, the Sens are awful and the weather is shitty. So i'm sitting at the computer minding my business and i'm asked if i want to drive my mom to Tim's. Not really. Pete doesn't like that because i've been on the computer all night. Anybody who knows me knows that i'm not big on confrontation. I don't like arguments and i usually just do what i'm asked, no biggie. Pete is very unimpressed and starts yelling at me and i'm trying to be calm. That's how he did things with my sister; yell and threaten with groundings and chores. I can actually have a mature converstaion so the yelling really isn't necassary. So in the end they storm out of the house, my mom more understanding, doesn't like that she "upset" me, Pete still mad but he's 2 against 1 now so he just kinda gave up. I was still considerably rattled, went to put on some music to relax a little, made the mistake of picking the psychedelic furs. awfuul music. didn't make me feel any better. Turned out ok in the end rents came home relaxed and with Pillsbury cinnamon rolls so it all ended up ok.

wow my life is exciting

new kickass room

My room is still the same but i gave 'er a nice rearrange. Moved my bed to the other side in my room, and moved in a wall unit with lots of room. Brought down the record player and set that up with 4 speakers. Now i can watch movies, jam to cd's or records and i had some room left for a nice lounge area. Gonna be sick for chillin, awesome hangout spot. Brought in all the good recoreds too. About 10 Stones albums, some Triumph, Boston, Sabbath, alot of '80's rock unfortunately, but i'll be able to go buy some more. Gotta hook up some Hendrix, Doors, J-Tull and real old Floyd. Not too shabby for a too-late hippie.

I'm Johnny and i'm 11... oh ya i'm also a drug addict

ok so he wasn't an addict, but this 11 year old kid is at the ODR smoking a joint with 2 complete strangers. "Man i'm soooooo ripped" first thing he says as he comes back into the shack. i knew right away this kid was a bit ahead of his classmates. He came into the shack just in time to see a bet being played out... go on the ice in tighty whiteys. "What the fuck? Fuckin douchbag." this kids got a worse mouth than a sailor. once again he is 11. So he says his brother smokes pot, no biggie hes 15. his dad does... he probably grew up on the 70's everyone did it then... hell my mom got a hit of acid for her 16th birthday, that was in 1979. anyway so the kid comes into the shack, eyes bloodshot, closed pretty much all the way, hacking up a lung. "Fuck man, my dads gonna be here in 20 minutes." the other dude who brought the weed is tripping so hard and laughing so hard because of how fucked up this situation was. felt like we were in some bad movie. he asks "how long does this last for" "ummm 3 hours" biggest eyes i ahve ever seen. he is 11. so he goes back onto the ice and you can here him from the other end "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" fuck man he cant even play hockey hes so torched. we get a pizza delivered, and he wants some but can't even speak. were pretty much and finally he manages to say "can i have your crust, i'm soooooooooooo hungry" he eats the crust and lies on the bench hige smile on his face, just lieing there. He is 11. manages to get his skates off and goes outside "where the fuck is my dad my finger tips are freezing" he is 11. he is 11. he is 11.

its funny because hes 11 and tripping out but really, that is a pretty serious situation. i mean it feels weird watching an 11 year old be... high. i just know that i'm a little scared to see this kids future. he might be fine and just smoke weed or he might be a heroin addict. guess i'll never know

"They're so thin, I could fuck through both of them"

Garth Rotor: (completely irrelevant) "they ate poutine, burgers and fries and played the best game of the year. The parents were pleasantly surprised...astounded perhaps."

Hung like a can of pringles

TAKE A PAGE OUT OF H'S BOOK
he said: shaft stroke?
she said: gooch smooch?

just thought of this

" show your meat "

burn, brun, burn

this will explain the mad comment made earlier

"the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing.. but burn, burn, burn like roman candles across the night"
- Jack Kerouac

h fills that criteria better than anyone i know
god i wish i was as cool as jack kerouac

birthdays = drama? what the...

So my birthday is coming up. Great. Gonna get crunk (cant believe i used that term). No biggie. Got a friend whos birthday is a day before mkine so we're having a nice double-party. i've had parties before theyre fun not a huge deal just like 10-15 friends and they're great. I have a dec number of friends who are girls... like more than dudes. I can thank ty for that. the thing is is that the girls are split into 2 groups. did i mention they all hate eachother? that can make hanging out difficult, but i deal. i'm "chill" as someone recently put it. so the way i want my party is that all of my friends come over, they can get over their hatred for one night. so now apparently ( i dont bother planning parties at my own house i just get the booze and ait for people to show up) some of my friends arent coming because of this hatred. how fucked up is that? how extremely selfish is that? i don't ask for alot. i really don't mind that they hate eachother, i never hang out with both groups at the same time anyway. all im asking for is one night where i can be with all my friends, but apparently a birthday party for me isnt about me at all, its about avoiding at all costs that group of girls that they hate. this night is not about them. i cant get over that these people cannot put aside their differences for one fucking night. i should just cancel the whole damn thing.

h is mad
(look up jack kerouac)

Blindness is Perfection

today i thought: would'nt it have been great to have been born blind? i mean it seems so perfect. most people probably won't understand this. let me explain. since the moment you first open your eyes, the first way you judge something is how it looks. you might go deeper into learning about it but the fact is is that people judge everything by how they see it. imagine if you could just listen to music and form an opinion of it instead of seeing what the band looks like, what the album cover looks like, or even what the music video looks like. i love music and i've even caught myself not even giving a band a chance because of what they look like, or if i think their video looks stupid.
i got to thinking, what if you judged everything by the way you heard it. i mean to someone with sight, a waterfall is a waterfall, even if they vary in sound. to someone who is blind, they could hear 2 different waterfalls and picture 2 very different things. you would have so many pictures of things in your head, you would be so creative because of all these pictures.
even with girls it would be great. most men are shallow and many of us can say that we've had a real connection with someone, but that person was not physically attractive, so they never made a move, maybe out of embarrassment or what have you. if you couldn't see someone who you are talking to it would make things so perfect. you would judge them by what their opinions are and how they see life and maybe you share some of those ideas. i would love to meet someone like that, but i can't really say if i would be inrterested if i didn't find the girl physically attractive. if i was blind i would feel attracted, even if i felt her, and maybe shes overweight, i would have no idea how that looks and therefore i would most likely be interested.
sight is holding everyone back. people would be respected by their intellectuals instead of who is the best looking. high school would be great for the losers now because they are usually the most interesting people, its just that no one knows it because they might be shy or intimidated by outgoing, beautiful people, who are at the top of the popularity chain. people would be judged by what they should be judged on; their opinions. what a perfect world.